Alone doesn’t have to be lonely

Author: Jacqueline Brandwynne
Posted: Friday, May 23, 2008

More than 23 million people in the U.S. live alone. Some of them have made a choice to be alone and are quite happy and fulfilled and feel complete without a partner. Others sense a profound loneliness, unable to have the opportunity to share their activities, their every day, their joys, their sorrows, their feelings with someone to care about. Often they feel deeply isolated, angry and depressed. What’s more, they are quite sure that they don’t have the choice to change their unhappy status.

Often these feelings are based on yet a deeper level of sentiments; fear of rejection and fear of not measuring up to deserve a wonderful person in their lives. For many, loneliness comes from the fear of being condemned to be alone in the world, with not a single person to really care about them. However, to have people in your life does not necessarily mean that one will not experience deep loneliness. Many people in a relationship or marriage can feel very lonely indeed if they fail to experience an essential and deep connection with their partner, their children or friends. The sense of being disconnected is just as painful for them even though they are not alone.

So what mechanisms can we use to change our reality? The big step is to change our perceptions about ourselves.

Let us try to connect with our deeper self by being calm and listening to that inner voice and inner truth. Are we creating our loneliness because we don’t feel worthy? Do we feel that we’re not lovable or even unacceptable for some reason? It is these negative feelings that stop us from connecting with others because we fear that we will be rejected. So we don’t even try.

To reverse such negative feelings and build a new positive self image is not easy, but it is doable. In some cases, the help of a professional therapist is warranted. To start our new being, we must concentrate and write down all the wonderful things we are. Let’s start with our good characteristics, our skills, our measure of kindness, the love we have to give, our thoughtfulness, our helpfulness, our ability to understand, our compassion, all practical and emotional attributes that are truly positive. Only then can we realize that our misconception about ourselves has caused our isolation. Only then can we make a conscious decision to let go of it.

This is a daily task. We must read our list every morning and every evening until the thoughts reach our unconscious and the miracle of change slowly happens. We must believe we can create our own happiness. We can make each day better, we can construct positive experiences of our own making. It is the change in our perceptions that will result in a change of our lives, a change in the ability to connect with others.

When we turn around the negative self-image and build a positive one, little by little, others will be attracted naturally to our new reality. By constantly reinforcing the positive in a world of our own making, we will experience that barriers between us and others cease to be there. We learn that we can connect and end our self-inflicted solitude when we discover and come to believe that we can take care of our own needs. It is a fact, for sure, that loneliness can be changed when we determine clearly what it is that we seek and then go after it because we feel worthy of attaining our goal.

Do you have a question for Jacqui? Write us at and we’ll pass it along.


Jacqueline Brandwynne has worked in the health and beauty industry for more than 25 years and is creator of the Very Private line of products. Visit her at

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