Making it through divorce and discovering yourself

Divorce can mean a journey of self discovery

Author: Kathryn Lukaske
Posted: Thursday, November 19, 2009

Jeanne is a 47-year-old mother of two who has worked full time most of her adult life and solely supported her stay-at-home husband and children. She was married for 15 years when she discovered her husband had been cheating on her. Through much soul-searching, she forgave him and they tried to repair the damage and keep the marriage intact.


A mere nine months later, Jeanne discovered her husband was still having an affair. “The next day, I saw an attorney,” she says. “I didn’t want to focus on the drama. My objective was to get through the divorce as soon as possible.”

Jeanne says the first year after the divorce was very difficult. “You’re re-learning how to be the primary parent on your own,” she explains. “There are a lot of firsts to contend with – the first time you have to shovel the snow by yourself, the first time the car needs service and there’s no spouse to pick you up. You’re in survival mode, but you’ve got your children to consider, so you roll up your sleeves and just do it.”


She calls the second year the rebirth. “I remember thinking, ‘Wow! Look at what I’ve accomplished! I’ve made it through so many challenges and I’m still here,’” she says. “We were fed, we were well and we even had some laughs.


Learning how to cope


Jeanne suggests getting back in the world by trying online dating. “Go online, but be safe about it,” she says. “It builds self-esteem. I dabbled in and out with it. It helped me to understand the type of people who are out there and made me more comfortable and self-confident in myself. It helped me to break the ice of dating, so I could relax and know that I could still enjoy being out on a date, but on my own terms.”


Four years after her divorce, Jeanne is engaged to a wonderful man. They became friends first and let nature take its course. She also learned a valuable lesson during this time – sometimes you cannot find love, it finds you. When you’re not searching for it, when you’re content and happy in your own right, that’s when it finds its way back into your heart.”













Kathryn Lukaske is a regular contributor to several Hudson Valley publications.

Categories: Feature Stories,General,Profiles

Tags: relationship advice,Hudson Valley,self esteem

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